Tax season! It's part of that old expression: The only definite in life is death and taxes. We all have to pay them, as soon as we start working. I was fortunate. My father had an accountant who just "got it done." I never knew what was going on. I didn't really care. Would you? I usually would get a small refund check of about $300. To a teenager, that's like Christmas! To a married adult, that's like ... well, Christmas!
Since I was just married back in December of 2008, the time has come that I get my own taxes done. My father's accountant was getting a little expensive, so I thought, why not try H&R Block? Their commercials seem good. People seem to trust them. I had only gotten one bad review from a friend, Shawn Foster. I just hoped that his experience was a fluke. Many other people had gone and were out of there in 30 minutes. That's what I was shooting for: the 30-minute experience.
March 2nd was a snow day so I decided to take advantage of the free time. After Bonnie went off to work (poor thing), I headed out with all my tax stuff (basically it was a folder of all the crap that got mailed to us since January 31st). I also grabbed the "$50 Off" coupon Bonnie had received for using H&R Block on-line last year! I had called ahead and they told me to come in around 11:30. I entered the room and was hit immediately by the bright green walls. I didn't exactly get that warm feeling the commercial wants us to get, but I wasn't scared either ... yet.
A gentlemen came up to me and told me that Kerry was going to be helping me today. I couldn't see anything except the top of her head, but I got the feeling Kerry was young. Well, I was wrong. After less than a minute, Kerry got out of his desk and came over. Let's see, how do I explain what Kerry looked like. Kerry, the man, was a mix between Gary Oldman and Adolf Hitler.
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= My Tax Guy! Anyway, he shook my hand for about 2 seconds longer than the average handshake. That scared me right there. It was now 11:33 and I had plans to be there for 45 minutes top. Bonnie and I each had two incomes - she has her old and current job and I have my teaching job plus my summer job. Then there are school loans and such. Of course, I knew that the fact that I work in New Jersey and now live in Pennsylvania was going to be an issue. God forbid this be easy!
We start off looking through the forms I bring. The look on his face was priceless. "Boy, you have a lot of forms," he starts off!
"I do? Don't you have a lot of people with two jobs and school loans?"
"Not really," he replies. Oh God! The crazy thing was the fact that Frank, who seemed to run office, could hear his comments and said nothing. After about 45 minutes of Kerry (or Mr. ****, as he introduced himself) commenting on my job, he started to talk about his real life goals. He wants to be a teacher, too. But as we got further into the session, I noticed how his eyes seemed to linger and always with a look of concern about what I was thinking. I had the distinct impression that he was not a person to be left alone with young children.
He had to ask for help repeatedly, which didn't bother me too much because it meant Frank, who seemed to know what he was doing, could help. What got me nervous was when he had to GOOGLE a form because he had never seen it before! Oh God! Finally, after 90 minutes, we were ready to start. He showed me everything he was doing step by step. I had the urge to tell him I did not care and that he should just get it done, but I felt bad. It was obvious that this guy had no one to talk to. He told me how he was trying to get teacher certification in New Jersey and that he wanted to go alternate route (which is how I got my teaching certificate). He said that he started applying for jobs in December, but still had not gotten a job. What a crazy notion? You mean schools don't hire in the middle of the school year? Crazy, right! The scary thing is this guy will probably get a lot of offers come July because he's a science teacher! Why are science teachers the creepy ones?
Anyway, after two and half hours, he was done with MY income. Bonnie's was yet to come! I told him that I had to leave and that I would come back at six to pick up a completed tax return. He seemed surprised. I told him that Bonnie would come back with me to sign all the forms she needed to sign. I got to my car and wanted to shoot myself. I called Bonnie and told her about the ordeal. She seemed very concerned (but later I found out she did not take me as seriously as she should have).
I called the office at 5:30 to confirm that I would be there at 6:00. Fortunately for me (sense the sarcasm), Kerry had stayed to make sure he was there to explain things to me when I got there. I know I'm new at this, but I think I understand what needs to be done. Since everyone does this, I assume that any idiot can do it. No offense to the idiots out there!
Bonnie and I walked in and he immediately jumped up to greet us. Again, his handshake lingered too long. It wasn't until we got in the car that Bonnie told me the exact same thing about shaking his hand. She also apologized for not taking me seriously. This guy was absolutely crazy. He stared at us as if he wanted to be friends. Perhaps this is why we sat there for another 45 minutes while he finished explaining what would be coming to us, what we would owe (that's right, owe) and how we would pay for his services. We were charged quite a lot because of "all our forms." I have no doubt that I will be getting a phone call from Kerry very soon to make sure I am happy with the service, but really for him to talk to someone.
The point is, ladies and gentlemen, go to "TurboTax.com" and do your taxes yourself. If H&R Block is stupid enough to let people like Kerry have a job after the first interview, this is not the company to help prepare your taxes! I can only hope he did everything right and that I will not be in jail come April 15th!
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